A Life Worth Dying From
“Now I can understand why people may not want to talk about death or think about it. It’s uncomfortable. It’s sad, scary, icky. I think it’s healthy for us to think about our death. I sit deep in the trench with people as they prepare for death. My goal is to help them answer the question - What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully holding both at the same time?
When I’m thinking about my present life from the vantage point of my graceful death, I can see very clearly who I want to be, how I want to spend my time, and what of me I’ll leave behind. It allows me to consciously curate my life right now and also figure out my little ‘why’s’ right now.
Because what are we waiting for, anyway? Like death? So why not then make meaning out of the magic of the mundane? And absolve ourselves of the responsibility of trying to have some grand life purpose? Why not just give ourselves permission to be fully human? Messily, magically, fantastically, beautifully, briefly, perfectly human. If I’m to die today, I know that my death will come as a celebration. As a culmination of a life well lived and loved. A life that’s worth dying from. I know, I trust, that the real gift in being with our mortality is the sheer wonder that we live at all.”
I am not yet contemplating my death, although keenly aware that I have fewer years ahead of me than behind me. I do know I want to die gracefully. And yes, I want a life worth dying from. So what does that look like for the next ten, twenty, or maybe even thirty years?
I don’t mean the external bits and pieces, like living in a walkable community, close proximity to stores and health care, support system, etc - although I am planning towards that! No, I wonder who I will be as I age? As Alua Arthur says, I’m pretty sure I know who I want to be and how I want to spend my time, but what does that actually look like?
Did you know that many of us feel detached from our future selves? We may even see our future selves as strangers. Or, we may actually think of our future selves the way we think of other people. And, if we envision our future selves as significantly different from who we are today, we are more likely to make choices that honour short-term desires rather than longer-term needs. I learned this from How to connect with your future self, a fascinating article in Psyche written by Shayla Love.
The author offers four strategies to connect with our future selves:
Focus on what will stay the same. Reflecting on the ‘you’ that lives five, 10 or 20 years into the future, consider which of your traits and values you believe will remain a core part of you.
Write a letter to your future self. Engaging in a ‘conversation’ with yourself – and perhaps imagining what you will look like in the future – could help you feel more connected to that self.
Redraw, or erase, the boundary line between the present and the future. The sense of ‘the present’, as compared with ‘the future’, is subjective. Rethinking what these concepts mean to you could place you psychologically closer to your future self.
Think of your future self as a close loved one. You can’t yet know your future self fully, just like you can’t completely know the people closest to you. But, in both cases, you can still commit yourself to supporting their wellbeing.
However, while our future self may feel like a stranger, the image of who we will become is with us most of our lives, as it is very much intertwined with who we are. At least, that has been my experience.
Over twenty years ago, I read Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book, The Illustrated Discovery Journal: Creating a Visual Autobiography of Your Authentic Self. I began collecting random pictures and phrases from magazines and journals that called to me - even if I wasn’t sure why. Then I created collages under various titles, including Return to Self, Spirituality, Authentic Success, and Someday. All these years later, the collages continue to depict my life today and how I envision my future.
More often than not, we discover who we are and what we love through revelations found in the small, the simple and the mundane. In tiny choices. The unconsidered. The overlooked. The discarded. The reclaimed. In moments I call everyday epiphanies.
- Sarah Ban Breathnach
I have also been saving illustrations that capture the bits and pieces of me that I want to carry with me into the future. They make me laugh, nod my head, and smile.
1. Illustrator: Lisa Aisato. 2. Illustrator: Inge Löök. 3. Illustrator: Lisa Aisato. 4. Illustrator: Lu Cornish.
Do you have images you have collected of your future self? Or does a specific picture come to mind as you read this? Unfortunately, these can’t be shared in the comments below, but I’d love to see how you envision your future self! Feel free to send them to me at agelesspossibilities@shaw.ca with a few words. If I receive some I will share them in next week’s post.