Pausing at the Threshold
“Welcome to the brink of everything. It takes a lifetime to get here, but the stunning view of past, present, and future—and the bracing breeze in your face—make it worth the trip.”
Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash
I am standing on a major threshold, unable to step over, held captive by fear, hope, opportunities, and excitement. This is the next stage of my life, the last stage of life. I may have another 30 years ahead of me - a lifetime!
I expect many of you may be standing on this same threshold. And then there is this hard season we are leaving behind, such a lengthy period of transition and uncertainty. We are in that liminal space between what came before and what comes next.
In an interview with Krista Tippett, John O’Donohue explored the etymology of the word threshold. It comes from ‘threshing,’ which is to separate the grain from the husk. “So the threshold, in a way, is a place where you move into more critical and challenging and worthy fullness. There are huge thresholds in every life. You know that, for instance, if you are in the middle of your life in a busy evening, fifty things to do and you get a phone call that somebody you love is suddenly dying, it takes ten seconds to communicate that information. But when you put the phone down, you are already standing in a different world. Suddenly everything that seems so important before is all gone and now you are thinking of this. So the given world that we think is there and the solid ground we are on is so tentative. And a threshold is a line which separates two territories of spirit, and very often how we cross is the key thing.”
“A threshold is not a simple boundary,” O’Donohue writes in Benedictus, “it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms and atmospheres. Indeed, it is a lovely testimony to the fullness and integrity of an experience or a stage of life that it intensifies towards the end into a real frontier that cannot be crossed without the heart being passionately engaged and woken up. At this threshold a great complexity of emotion comes alive. This is one reason why such vital crossings were always clothed in ritual. It is wise in your own life to be able to recognize and acknowledge the key thresholds: to take your time, to feel all the varieties of presence that accrue there, to listen inwards with complete attention until you hear the inner voice calling you forward.”
When we were younger, many of us flew at thresholds, slamming doors behind us as we rushed forward. We might have sought advice, but we were usually quick to move on, often having our life plans laid out for the future.
But what if, at this stage of our lives, the true invitation of a threshold is not to successfully move from here to there, but instead to just sit and pause? What if we saw thresholds as resting places rather than as those moving walkways that transport us through airports? What if thresholds help us “become” by asking us to just “be” for a while? No moving. Just noticing and naming. Less travelling and more listening. This is a question Soul Matters Sharing Circles extends through their small group curriculum for Unitarian congregations.
The Reverend Sara LaWall, a Soul Matters minister, gets at this when she writes, “A [threshold is] a space to imagine a new way, and new self. Not moving or pushing but sitting and cultivating… [the goal] is to allow you space and time to reflect on your past, present, and future. To imagine a new beginning…”
O’Donohue wrote that in our culture, we no longer have rituals to help us recognize thresholds, or cross them worthily. He is right. I am paused on this threshold, but I have not, as O’Donohue suggested, clothed this monumental crossing in ritual. Maybe that is why I feel I am being held captive to such powerful emotions. And so, over the next year, I am laying aside time for reflection. I mentioned to an Instagram friend, author and publisher, Shelly Francis, that I was finding it difficult to step over this threshold. She invited me to think about what I have trusted before that has kept me flowing forward. And so, I invite you to join me as I focus on the practices that always help guide my way. I have woven some of the materials from the Soul Matters theme, “becoming’ into these practices.
Words
I often find myself in the words of others, whether poetry, quotes, or books. I use those words as a stepping stone into my own psyche. Here are some I will be re-visiting:
Now I Become Myself (Poem by May Sarton)
Halleluiah (Poem by Mary Oliver)
12 Truths I Learned From Life and Writing (TedTalk by Anne Lamott)
On the Brink of Everything (Book by Parker J. Palmer)
Advice to Myself (Poem by Louise Erdrich)
Famous (Poem by Naomi Shihab Nye)
Writing
Please don’t think you need to be a writer to write! Almost every woman who has taken my life story workshops will tell you how much they have learned about themselves by writing their life stories. There are so many ways to do this - and you don’t have to share your writing with anyone! Here are a few suggestions:
Morning Pages
Three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing done first thing in the morning. Why first thing in the morning? Author Julia Cameron, the visionary behind Morning Pages, says, “…we are aiming to catch ourselves before our ego is awake, before its defences are in place. We want to be vulnerable.”
Your Life Journey in Six Words
This was inspired by Ernest Hemingway taking up a bet to write a novel in 6 words. Hemingway’s response: “For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.” I have used this process with groups I have facilitated, a powerful tool for introspection. Some others:
Forged through fire; sustained by friendships.
No future, no past. Not lost.
Painfully she changed is to was.
The exits were entrances in disguise.
Life Stories
In my life story workshops, Women Rowing North: Writing Our Life Stories, I offer weekly themes, activities, and writing prompts that trigger memories to help women write their life stories. Again, no writing experience needed, you write to explore your own stories. Here are some questions I might offer you if we were writing about the theme of standing at this threshold:
What do you appreciate about where you stand right now? What do you want to take forward into this next chapter?
Is it possible you have become what your 12 year old self imagined being, perhaps in a slightly different way?
What has growing older unexpectedly awoken in you?
Nature
I see my life with clarity when I am in nature - sitting by the ocean, walking through old growth forest, or lying in a field watching clouds roll by while listening to the wind rustling through the trees. Sometimes all in need is to listen to Wendell Berry reciting his poem, In the Peace of the Wild Things, to open myself to possibilities.
What rituals guide you when you are standing on a threshold?
While writing this blog post, I received a phone call from a dear friend. We had plans to get together for a visit next month after not seeing each other for far too many years. She is caregiving her mother, who has dementia. She has no idea what to expect next week, next month, or even tomorrow, and she is cancelling her west coast visit. She reminded me of my own journey with my mother last year, another threshold that left me standing, for a time, in a different world. I realized that sometimes we pause on our journey because of circumstances outside of our control. We need to wait for life to unfold before moving forward. This made me think that while my words may land for some of you, others may be pulled up on the shore, sheltering from the wind and rain before setting course again. Safe travels wherever you may be.