The transformative power of stories

Let me start with a story from my own life. When my girls were in elementary school, their twenty-one-year-old cousin committed suicide. A devastating event for the whole family. How do you explain this to young girls grieving their favourite cousin? I gave them everything my emotionally distant mother had not been able to provide me in my childhood. But I overcompensated and gave them too much love and nurturing. I made a sad situation worse. I went to a therapist. I learned that the problem was not my relationship with my girls but my relationship with my mother. As part of my therapy, he suggested I write a letter to my mother. I spent a month writing about the grief, pain, and sorrows I had endured. I knew my words would be like arrows to my mother, but this was a letter I would not be mailing. At our next appointment, I shared that if my mother were to read my words, she would dispute much of what I wrote, saying it was untrue. He responded that this was my story, my truth, and that was all that mattered.

Writing the letter was transformative. My therapist’s words, that my story is my truth, healed an aching in my heart. I did not know then that writing the emotional experiences of our lives was therapeutic.

This experience in my early forties, ignited an interest in life stories - a term then unfamiliar to me. I wove storytelling into my work as a community engagement consultant. Working with colleagues, we supported immigrant and refugee mothers in sharing their experiences of child poverty through stories. I developed a peer training program for mothers to engage other mothers using stories as a tool. I created a project for young children to explore their rights through stories and illustrations. These projects resulted in policy changes at a local level and created new supports for families.

In my fifties, I began exploring my own stories, taking memoir-writing workshops at Simon Fraser University. I dabbled with the idea of writing a book on generational stories. I wrote stories about growing older, wondering if other women felt the same.

The pandemic ended my career. I was prepared. I had taken a course on Transition With Intention, a story-based approach to stepping into the next phase of life. In my personal statement at the end of the course, I wrote:

I am consumed by this journey into elderhood, especially for women. I want to cultivate a shared learning journey and see where that takes me. I plan to launch a blog that focuses on women and aging. I want to explore a different approach to memoir writing – initially on a personal level and, if it seems viable, exploring how I can share this with others.

Fast forward five years. I have written 220 blog posts, many based on my own life stories. On Wednesday and Thursday mornings, I hold space for older women to share their life stories. I have listened to over one hundred women read their stories. Sharing our stories can be as therapeutic as writing them, allowing us to make sense of our experiences and providing insights into our lives. The gift of hearing these stories can be as transformative as writing my own stories. Change the names and locations, and some could be my stories. At times, their stories reveal insights that I have not yet discovered. A few weeks ago, I listened to a story of grieving experienced after receiving a medical diagnosis. My eyes welled with tears. This has been a tough year for me, health-wise, and it has wreaked havoc with my emotions. This story helped me realize I have been experiencing grief.

Interested in learning more? Here are some topics I am exploring as I delve deeper into the transformative power of stories.

Writing and sharing your stories can be powerful.

A life review allows individuals to make sense of their life’s journey, acknowledge their accomplishments, and find closure with unresolved issues. It can reduce feelings of regret and foster a sense of acceptance and contentment. (The Transformative Power of a Life Review, Whether You’re 25 or 75 by Rebekah Brandes)

Learning from our elders.

Many families have unfolded stories since a time that predates us all. There is a unique trust, much like faith, which happens during the transaction of storytelling. Once we receive the story, it becomes uniquely our own. When we share our stories, we bring all we carried when we showed up to receive them. Generational storytelling is a history book. It’s a catalogue of all the places we have been. It is a book entrusted to its people to ensure they are not forgotten. (We Survive By Telling Stories by Carolina Hinojosa-Cisneros)

Storytelling can be a powerful way to cope with and overcome challenges

Human lives are intricately woven together by the stories we tell ourselves and share with others. Within us, there resides a profound desire to find meaning, to make sense of the intricate tapestry of our lives and the relationships we hold dear…In times of loss, these stories become our guiding lights, offering solace and connection, providing the meaning we seek. Our brains, in the aftermath of grief and trauma, become finely attuned to the meaning-making process, amplifying the importance of everyday experiences. (Healing Through the Art of Storytelling by Dr. Kate Truitt)

The therapeutic benefits of writing a novel

Real events can be repurposed to fit a fictional narrative. The power of this process is transformative. Writing fiction allows you to become a spectator to life’s roughest seas. It gives form to wandering thoughts, lends empathy to perspective, and cultivates compassion. We heal when we transmute the chaos of life into the structure of a novel, learn to walk through the world as observers and students rather than wounded, and make choices about what parts of a story are important and what we can let go of. (The Therapeutic Benefits of Writing A Novel by Jessica Loure)

Ageless PossibilitiesMay 4, 20254 Comments