A life filled, not measured
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
Arlene Dickinson wrote in a recent Facebook post -
“I think about this (quote) a lot when I see adults settling into smaller and smaller worlds. The same coffee order, the same daily routines. The same conversations with the same people about the same safe topics.
When exactly in our lives does predictability start passing for an accomplishment? …Somewhere along the way, we start to mistake routine for wisdom and comfortable circumstances for contentment. It’s a complacency that eventually leads to living in a small room, looking out at life through a window.”
Dickinson then asks, what if growing older means growing larger instead of smaller?
Ouch! I immediately felt resistance against her words. And yet, reading further, she also makes suggestions that resonate with me, focusing in on curiosity and learning. She continues, “I’m convinced that the courage to keep expanding our worlds is found in choosing curiosity…The real question is are we brave enough to stay curious about what’s possible, at any age?”
For me, curiosity has always been a way of living fully. But I don’t think of it as courage so much as paying attention, asking questions, and seeking meaning. A full life can be any size, and certainly doesn’t speak to complacency and settling into a smaller world.
I reached out to three friends, all very different, who I believe live full lives.
How would you describe the fullness of your life?
June, who I have known for thirty years, retired at 70 from a physically gruelling, stressful job working with children with high support needs. “A full life to me”, she shared, “is being content with where I am now, finally having the time to do whatever I feel like doing. I am no longer tied to other people’s schedules or demands. It is absolute bliss to wake up and know that I can now shape my days.”
For Suzanne, an island friend, fullness is about balance. A full life for her is one where she intentionally balances her needs with the needs of others. She commits a third of her life to the struggles and triumphs of children of Nicaragua, and to being a full participant of her island community. For her that means connecting, engaging, and helping those who have real needs to live full and better lives. The second third of her life is filled with forest walks and ocean swims with her dogs, and time with her friends, family and husband - visiting, entertaining, and nurturing. Her final third she focuses on herself - reading, poetry, gardening, afternoon snoozes, tai chi, and learning to better her understanding of life.
Ruby, is an old friend who re-connected with me a few years ago. She says that her life is full because of the depth and intensity of her friendships. Not large in quantity, as this is the stage of our lives when we prune relationships which are no longer life-giving or growth-enhancing, but full because of the meaning and relevance that these relationships bring to her life.
I felt compelled to respond to Dickinson’s Facebook post because I have just released Wisdom Lines: A season of growth, not diminishment, a free 28-page guided journal for Ageless Possibilities subscribers. In this guide, I write that with each passing year, I am convinced that aging is far less about loss than it is about growth.”
I wanted you to know before you download the guided journal, that for me, growth does not mean a large life; it means a full life. I leave the definition of a full life open to your individual interpretation. Maybe that is living larger for some of you. Maybe it means going deeper. Maybe, as you’ll read in Wisdom Lines, it is about finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, letting tiny choices shape our lives, allowing joy and grief to walk hand in hand, and being intentional as to who you spend your time with.
How would you describe a full life?
