Tiny choices shape our lives
“Life was, after all, made up of tiny choices. Like a pointillist painting, no one dot, no one choice, defined it. But together? There emerged a picture. A life. Where to live, where to sit. What to eat, to drink, to wear. Whether to cut the grass or let it become a meadow. What to say and perhaps more important, what not to say…”
This blog post, like last week’s, also starts on my island deck. There is a chill in the air this morning and I am wrapped in a blanket, curled up in the far corner of the deck under the Japanese maple. Reflective time on the deck is a choice, I have come to realize, that has become a ritual, a small act of self-care in my later years. This particular nook often goes unused, although it is set up with a table and comfortable chairs. I wonder why I don’t sit here more often? The hummingbirds hover curiously around my head, unused to human company so near to the bird bath.
Bella has now brought me her ball at least ten times. She waits expectantly each time as I fling it into the yard. She runs after it, pounces with all four feet, and then dunks the ball into the wading pool before dropping it, soaked, into in my lap. She is keeping me from the rhythm of writing.
I am here because this morning one of the junco eggs has hatched. When I checked the nest, a teeny hatchling opened its mouth blindly in response to my movement. This is the third nest we have had in this corner of the deck - two just this year.
Two months ago, a pair of juncos nested in a small lavender plant tucked away on a shelving unit outside our bedroom window. By the time we discovered them, four chicks were peeking out. They fledged just a few days later.
More recently, I noticed a lone junco flying regularly into a shady plant hanging under the eaves, no mate in sight. I have been observing her with growing concern - building her nest, laying her eggs, and endless days sitting on her nest, barely leaving to feed herself. Her quiet perseverance has touched my heart.
These moments bring me back to the idea of tiny choices. This morning began in my office. My computer, writing pad, Pilot fineliners, and my commonplace journal laid out. I was enjoying my favourite cold morning breakfast - oatmeal with mashed banana and a couple of tablespoons of Greek yoghurt with honey - while answering emails and preparing to write. But my thoughts kept circling back to the mama junco. I decided to move outside.
I try to live my life with intention. I forget how small, insignificant choices shape my days. The Louise Penny quote reminded me that often it is the unexamined choices that shape our lives.
Here are some choices that have found their way into my daily life:
Sleeping until eight a.m. even though I feel I should start my days earlier.
Waiting for my husband to wake me with coffee and a kiss rather than vice versa.
A dog snuggle, Wordle, and the news before I even get up.
A rice protein smoothie for breakfast - oat milk, banana, peach, rice protein, Blume Super Belly Gut Hydration, and flax oil.
Fifteen minutes of stretching for my stiff, arthritic knees.
A walk through the garden to check on plants.
Time in my office for research and writing - blog posts, curriculum for my workshops, and a new project that is beginning to take shape.
Lunch - usually healthy - too often something baked with too much butter. (Today, a butterscotch square with pecans - homemade!)
Afternoons spent debating between laundry, housework, gardening, or reading. More often than not, the book wins.
Regular check-ins with my girls and my friends. Sometimes, a chat on the deck with a new island friend.
A late afternoon drink with my husband.
Dinner, Jeopardy, and usually in bed by eight with a cup of tea and a book.
Does a picture of my life emerge for you as it does for me? Years ago, I made a collage titled Someday, a visual dream of reading, gardening, lazing, yoga, friends, and family. I did not realize then that someday was quietly unfolding through my daily choices.
Recently, I read an article in Psyche, on something called positive involuntary mental imagery. It struck a chord. The idea is simple:
Take some photos from your daily life, such as what you see when you first get up in the morning, your trip to work, or from a typical evening out. Next, for each photo, combine it in your mind with a positive word, such as ‘pleasant’, ‘success’ or ‘triumph’, to create a completely new imagined scene…The idea is that when you encounter the real objects in the photos – such as your morning coffee cup – it serves as a trigger for the associated imagined scene while you go about your daily life.
Instead of taking photos, I pictured these tiny choices and associated them with words . Waking to my husband’s kiss and the smell of coffee? I thought contentment. The result? That small shift created a subtle but real emotional lift, a gentle way to build optimism into my day.
So I invite you to reflect: Have you paused to consider the tiny choices unfolding in this later stage of life? How do they shape the rhythm and meaning of your days? I think it would also be interesting to give some thought to the choice we make about what to say, “and perhaps more important, what not to say…”
An afterthought:
Did you notice that I felt the need to validate some of my tiny choices? Another topic on my mind these days is making ourselves a priority - more on that in next week’s blog, my last one for the next two months as I make myself a priority and take a break from blogging for the summer!