Turning the Page to a New Chapter
Fifty-eight years ago this week, I emigrated from the Netherlands. I was six-year-old, excited and nervous as I stepped off the plane to a new chapter of life, speaking no English and anxious about making new friends. I need not have worried. Within weeks, I had made several friends. I spent every summer day at the complex swimming pool working on my English. I was put back into grade one at the start of the school year. By January, I had been moved up to grade two, fluent and happy.
Yesterday, we loaded up all our furniture, a dizzying number of boxes, then headed to our island getaway, now our permanent home. A 3-bedroom cedar home filled with dazzling sunlight and warm pine - doors, cabinets, staircase and a vaulted ceiling. Our house sits on the southern boundary of our almost four-acre property, surrounded by farms. Our property is unfenced, deer wander through, muskrats and ducks occupy our pond, eagles and turkey vultures soar overhead, birds abound in the trees, and starlings and swallows nest in our eaves.
This house has been our retreat for over twenty years from the hustle and bustle of urban life. We have spent many holidays here and hosted special events. My parents' ashes are scattered in the pond. Our old dog’s tags have joined them; they always loved spending time with Tucker. Last August, our oldest daughter and her fiancé were married by the pond.
Did we feel any different this morning, drinking our coffee on the deck of our permanent home? Nope. We both felt a sense of deep contentment listening to the towhees in the bushes and enjoying the hummingbird babies buzzing by our heads.
We have that dizzying number of boxes to unpack and a growing pile of furniture and knickknacks to take to the thrift store. But I have the luxury of time to unpack. I am excited and nervous as I start this new chapter. I expect that, like that little girl stepping off a plane in a new country all those years ago, it will not take long for me to feel settled in.
I am going to take another 2 weeks off from blogging before returning to weekly posts in August. I have not written at all this month of July, and surprisingly, I have not missed this practice that has become second nature. However, I have continued to collect quotes. Here are a few I am planning to weave into future blog posts:
“I’m in the final swing of my 78th turn around the sun. I’ve often wondered what happened to those famous people who disappear from view, only to appear again in an obituary decades later. What were they doing all those years? How did they fare, once no longer buoyed by the light of admiration from others?” - Vicki Robin
The following quotes are from the book, Side by Side: The Sacred Art of Couples Aging with Wisdom & Love, which I highly recommend. I’ll be writing more about this book when I get back to blogging.
“…retirement doesn’t mean that your soul’s callings fall silent. Instead, it is an invitation for re-formation, allowing one’s old life to recede and making room for new priorities.”
“For many couples, one is an extrovert and the other an introvert. This profoundly impacts communication styles, how much alone time you need, and if you like to think aloud or silently. It is critical to how we approach and process life.”
“Couples are infamously attracted to their opposites, providing a rich ground for learning that often entails conflict and negotiation. Our differences stretch us. If we learn to take advantage of them, and see them as teachers, they enrich our lives.”
“We carry a pack of historical things we are processing at this age.”
“Love asks of us in long-term relationships to be truth-tellers to each other with as much kindness as possible; to become mirrors to what we can’t see in ourselves, and mirror what is going on between us, thus facing things together. Playing different roles at different times, we ask, ‘Why is that happening?’ We talk through things and try to be encouraging as we face these things. It is about shadow work. To be vulnerable and honest with each other takes love and the belief your partner is mirroring this because they have your best interest in mind. There is an unwritten contract that we are together to become the most we can be and to become more whole, accepting all of who we are, both light and shadow. This role is true in close friendships too.”
“Blessed is the couple who dance with the tension between ‘me’ and ‘we,’ for they will know companioning without loss of self.”